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| Colleen ~ Patrick Carroll | Thinking of You Angel | April 1, 2011 |
| Colleen ~ Patrick Carroll | Thinking of You Ryan | March 30, 2011 |
| Marian Mims | Thinking of You | March 29, 2011 |
| Barbara Cave | Sending oxox Always | March 29, 2011 |
| mom~Shane Ramirez | Forever and Always in my Prayers | March 23, 2011 |
We can give each other hope,We'll create a place where we belong,Together we will find ways to cope,Because we are Angel Families and together we are strong!
| mom to Angel Darko Durbic | Angel | March 22, 2011 |
I lost my child today
People came to weep and cry
As I just sat and stared, dry eyed.
They struggled to find words to say
To try to take the pain away.
I walked the floor in disbelief,
I lost my child today.
I lost my child last month,
Most of the people went away,
Some still call and some still stay.
I wait to wake up from this dream,
"This can't be real!", I want to scream.
Yet everything is locked inside,
God help me, I just want to die.
I lost my child last month.
I lost my child last year,
Now people who have been, have gone,
I sit and struggle all day long
To bear the pain so deep inside,
And now my friends just question "Why?
"Why does this mother not move on?
Just sits and sings the same old song.
Good Heavens, it has been so long!"
I lost my child last year
Time has not moved on for me,
The numbness, it has disappeared.
My eyes have cried so many tears,
I see the look upon your face,
"You must move on and leave this place".
Yet I am trapped right here in time,
The song's the same, as is the rhyme.
I lost my child........... TODAY
As I just sat and stared, dry eyed.
They struggled to find words to say
To try to take the pain away.
I walked the floor in disbelief,
I lost my child today.
I lost my child last month,
Most of the people went away,
Some still call and some still stay.
I wait to wake up from this dream,
"This can't be real!", I want to scream.
Yet everything is locked inside,
God help me, I just want to die.
I lost my child last month.
I lost my child last year,
Now people who have been, have gone,
I sit and struggle all day long
To bear the pain so deep inside,
And now my friends just question "Why?
"Why does this mother not move on?
Just sits and sings the same old song.
Good Heavens, it has been so long!"
I lost my child last year
Time has not moved on for me,
The numbness, it has disappeared.
My eyes have cried so many tears,
I see the look upon your face,
"You must move on and leave this place".
Yet I am trapped right here in time,
The song's the same, as is the rhyme.
I lost my child........... TODAY
| mom to Angel Darko Durbic | Angel | March 17, 2011 |
If we are fortunate,
we are given a warning.
If not,
there is only the sudden horror,
the wrench of being torn apart;
of being reminded
that nothing is permanent,
not even the ones we love,
the ones our lives revolve around.
Life is a fragile affair.
We are all dancing
on the edge of a precipice,
a dizzying cliff so high
we can't see the bottom.
One by one,
we lose those we love most
into the dark ravine.
So we must cherish them
without reservation.
Now.
Today.
This minute.
We will lose them
or they will lose us
someday.
This is certain.
There is no time for bickering.
And their loss
will leave a great pit in our hearts;
a pit we struggle to avoid
during the day
and fall into at night.
Some,
unable to accept this loss,
unable to determine
the worth of life without them,
jump into that black pit
spiritually or physically,
hoping to find them there.
And some survive
the shock,
the denial,
the horror,
the bargaining,
the barren, empty aching,
the unanswered prayers,
the sleepless nights
when their breath is crushed
under the weight of silence
and all that it means.
Somehow, some survive all that and,
like a flower opening after a storm,
they slowly begin to remember
the one they lost
in a different way...
The laughter,
the irrepressible spirit,
the generous heart,
the way their smile made them feel,
the encouragement they gave
even as their own dreams were dying.
And in time, they fill the pit
with other memories
the only memories that really matter.
We will still cry.
We will always cry.
But with loving reflection
more than hopeless longing.
And that is how we survive.
That is how the story should end.
That is how they would want it to be.
| ~♥Barbara♥~ | ^i^Caroline Scanlon's Nana | March 16, 2011 |
May Angels
watch over Us....
HAPPY St.Patricks DAY!!
watch over Us....
HAPPY St.Patricks DAY!!
| Margaret Buonpane | Happy St. Patrick's Day | March 15, 2011 |
| Barbara Nunez | Precious RYAN...... | March 8, 2011 |
| Barbara Cave | My Angel,My Friend | March 7, 2011 |
When I have no one to turn to
And I am feeling kind of low,
When there is no one to talk to
And nowhere I want to go,
I search deep within myself
It is the love inside my heart
That lets me know my Angels are there
Even though we are miles apart.
A smile then appears upon my face
And the sun begins to shine.
I hear a voice, so soft and sweet
Saying, 'Everything will be just fine'
It may seem that I am alone
But I am never by myself at all.
Whenever I need my Angels near
All I have to do is call.
An Angel's love is always true
On that you can depend.
They will always stand behind you
And will always be your friend.
Through darkest hours and brightest days
Our Angel's see us through
They smile when we are happy, and will cry when we are blue..
Thanks for being my Angel my friend
I will be there for you until the end.
| Mary~Nicholas Hands Mom~ | Always in my Thoughts | March 6, 2011 |
| BECKY~MOM TO JARRETT LITTLE | ~MY GIFT TO YOU~ | March 5, 2011 |
ALWAYS IN MY HEART
| Barbara Cave | Thinking of You Always | March 5, 2011 |
| cindi dana regans mom | Stay close by us Ryan!!!! | February 28, 2011 |
| ~Barbara~ ^i^Caroline's~Nana~ | Precious RYAN...... | February 27, 2011 |
| Barbara Pisano | Thank you so very much | February 25, 2011 |
From where we reign,we thank you so
For your kind remembrance of us and our families below
We had a beautiful day,cause all were there
Yes you too,were with us, in mind,heart and prayer
As we are not forgotten,neither are you
We busy ourselves with much to do
New souls arrive on a daily basis
And we gather with them,cause their families they miss
We show them how love continues to grow
By connecting our loved ones to soften the blow
You see, their hearts are broken,they are in so much pain
And we rejoice when our efforts are not in vain
Continue to hold each other up,it's when we're happiest here
We relish the laughter ,never the tears
Thank you for everything,there was much joy in Heaven Love and God Bless
Nicky and Angie and their families
For your kind remembrance of us and our families below
We had a beautiful day,cause all were there
Yes you too,were with us, in mind,heart and prayer
As we are not forgotten,neither are you
We busy ourselves with much to do
New souls arrive on a daily basis
And we gather with them,cause their families they miss
We show them how love continues to grow
By connecting our loved ones to soften the blow
You see, their hearts are broken,they are in so much pain
And we rejoice when our efforts are not in vain
Continue to hold each other up,it's when we're happiest here
We relish the laughter ,never the tears
Thank you for everything,there was much joy in Heaven Love and God Bless
Nicky and Angie and their families
| ~Barbara~ | ^i^Caroline Scanlon's Nana | February 24, 2011 |
&
TO WISH
YOU
A
BEAUTIFUL NIGHT!!
| Barbara Cave | Your Memory will Burn Forever in Our Heart | February 24, 2011 |
| mom to Angel Darko Durbic | How we Survive | February 24, 2011 |
I know that there are many different
forms of this out there however, I have added on to it to help others to imagine how we feel when we lose a child. I know grief and the pain of losing anyone close is hard but this is to help others understand how it is for a parent who has lost their child.
I am going to do an exercise with you called….
If you could only imagine
You say it's time for me to "move on" in my grief. Perhaps you're right or perhaps you just don't realize what you're asking. So, I want you try this little exercise and maybe it will help you get a better perspective on what I am going through.
To make this really hit home for you it should be practiced for at least 24 hours, the longer the better but we do not have that long so we will do it for a few minutes. This is kind of like blindfolding yourself to experience being without sight. I am doing this from a parents view point but if you do not have a child you can think of a loved one in your life.
So close your eyes think about your children or loved love. I want you to try to imagine the worst thing in the world, that your beloved child died. Whatever age or stage of development, whether they live with you or not, just imagine you won't ever see that child on earth again. let me explain to you the reality…try to imagine, if you can, never seeing your child again, never hearing their laugh, never hearing the sound of their voice, never smelling the scent you have come to recognize as your child.. never hearing them say "I love you"…nothing - just silence, emptiness.. now imagine never seeing your child's smile, never seeing him upset or happy, never watching him sleep…missing them so much that you are twisted up inside and the pain stays with you 24/7, you smell their pillow, their clothes, you look at their pictures and can only cry - what happened, why!?.. you have never felt longing like this in your life! longing to hear their voice, to see their face again,…and to know deep in your soul you cannot fix this. now imagine every single thing that used to give you joy and pleasure turns into hurt and despair overnight. not a gradual thing, but going from pleasure to hurt, from happiness to sadness, from peace to no peace, changing overnight. everything you loved now hurts like hell…
To make this really hit home for you it should be practiced for at least 24 hours, the longer the better but we do not have that long so we will do it for a few minutes. This is kind of like blindfolding yourself to experience being without sight. I am doing this from a parents view point but if you do not have a child you can think of a loved one in your life.
So close your eyes think about your children or loved love. I want you to try to imagine the worst thing in the world, that your beloved child died. Whatever age or stage of development, whether they live with you or not, just imagine you won't ever see that child on earth again. let me explain to you the reality…try to imagine, if you can, never seeing your child again, never hearing their laugh, never hearing the sound of their voice, never smelling the scent you have come to recognize as your child.. never hearing them say "I love you"…nothing - just silence, emptiness.. now imagine never seeing your child's smile, never seeing him upset or happy, never watching him sleep…missing them so much that you are twisted up inside and the pain stays with you 24/7, you smell their pillow, their clothes, you look at their pictures and can only cry - what happened, why!?.. you have never felt longing like this in your life! longing to hear their voice, to see their face again,…and to know deep in your soul you cannot fix this. now imagine every single thing that used to give you joy and pleasure turns into hurt and despair overnight. not a gradual thing, but going from pleasure to hurt, from happiness to sadness, from peace to no peace, changing overnight. everything you loved now hurts like hell…
For example: music, I used to love music, it gave me pleasure, I didn’t realize how much music was a part of my life and how it is everywhere, now I cannot listen to it, it sears me like a red hot knife with the pain of losing my child, it cuts me wide open.. like the old song, the day the music died, that's me, and believe it or not, almost every song reminds me of the HUGE void in my life without my child, I am not unique in that pain - if you lost a child you would know. that is just one little example of how your life is affected by the loss of your child. Just ONE example!
The perfectly healthy young man...your son...have cancer…they say your child can't survive... he died. Now imagine calling all your family and friends to tell them your child died. Now you get a call to ask you where you want the body to go. Body you say that is my child however you can’t even wrap your mind around this it just can’t be real.
Next, go to a funeral home and discuss caskets or cremation, markers, burial plots, etc. So many things to do you have to make it perfect and really should you be making these decisions so quickly are you in your right mind – Really? Pick out a favourite outfit for your child to be buried in and the flowers that lay at the alter. Sit down and write out the obituary for the newspaper and pick out the music to be played at their memorial. Get in the floor or closet of their room and cry until there are no more tears. Then repeat until you think you're losing your mind and your gut is wrenching.
If you made it through that part you are ready for the next step.
Next, go to a funeral home and discuss caskets or cremation, markers, burial plots, etc. So many things to do you have to make it perfect and really should you be making these decisions so quickly are you in your right mind – Really? Pick out a favourite outfit for your child to be buried in and the flowers that lay at the alter. Sit down and write out the obituary for the newspaper and pick out the music to be played at their memorial. Get in the floor or closet of their room and cry until there are no more tears. Then repeat until you think you're losing your mind and your gut is wrenching.
If you made it through that part you are ready for the next step.
As good parents we were always able to fix things or make things better for our children.. this we cannot fix, we cannot make it better. so on top of everything else you are feeling, you also feel helpless..out of control and hopeless…and this is universal, every parent that truly loves their child will feel this. Are you starting to imagine now how it feels? Just think you are doing this exercise for a few minutes, imagine, really imagine, feeling this way 24/7 - day after day, month after month, and no matter what you are doing or who you are talking to, a tape of your child plays over and over in your mind. your child when he was a baby, a laughing happy little boy, a handsome young teen, a wonderful young man or women and it always plays in your head and you do not want to forget even a single second of your beautiful child's life…but that is a fear you have, that as time passes you will start to forget…so now, please add FEAR to the list of emotions. this is what it really feels like. a part of you has died, , FEEL this - died, gone forever… a real, beautiful, living part of you has died… and you are still living, left behind to try to pick up the pieces of your shattered life and not having a clue where to even begin. No wonder a high percentage of marriages break up, parents have breakdowns, turn to alcohol, drugs or a destructive way of life.
NO WONDER!!!!!
NO WONDER!!!!!
During all of this remember, the world hasn't stopped. If you have a job, you will have to return to it because it has been a week and that is all the time they give you for a loss of a child. The power company and everyone else still wants their payment each month. But you can barely get out of bed. So who care about bills don’t they know your child has died?
If you were blessed to have other children, you will have to deal with their grief as well as your own. even with your other children, you still love your other children just as much as always, but as hard as it is, even they hurt you now, because when you see them you feel the LOSS, the loss of the child that died not being with their siblings. it doesn't fit, there is a piece missing, your whole life doesn't fit anymore. everything that felt right, now feels wrong and of course there is always the missing, the horrible gut wrenching, out of your control missing…
Next comes the "firsts". Holidays, Birthday, anniversary of death and at first this is every month, it is not just once a year but every month on the day they died. When everyone is singing tra-la-la and jingle bells, you won't be. Your heart will be too heavy. The hurt will be so intense you will marvel that you can get out of bed each morning. You'll see their friends going on with their lives and it will cut you to the quick. When they all graduate from, school, university, your child won't. When you start getting wedding or baby announcements in the mail for these other children, you'll be reminded again of your loss. Or will their friends even remember to include you or will they even still want to see you, or worse yet do they even remember your child? Do they still hurt from the loss?
Don't forget that when you go shopping you'll see things that you wanted to buy for your deceased child and many times you will still buy them anyway. You'll see places the two of you USED to go and sometimes sit in the parking lot and remember that special day. Sometimes you find yourself someplace you don’t even remember driving too.
At home when you prepare that favourite meal of the child who is gone, it won't taste the same to you. The pictures, cards they made for you or sent you, toys and other possessions of your baby will be both harmful and helpful. They are a link to the past, a way to remember more about what you've lost and at the same time they are a link to the past and a way to remember more about what you've lost and what you will never have again.
Funny, huh? That family portrait you were always so proud of? Well, it will take on a whole new meaning now. A part of you does not exist anymore and it is scary as hell.. that is why they say the loss of a child is like no other loss.. you cannot compare it to another loss, with other losses you grieve and you are of course sad, but when your child dies, a part of you ceases to exist, gone just like that, gone no warning, just gone.
Don't forget that when you go shopping you'll see things that you wanted to buy for your deceased child and many times you will still buy them anyway. You'll see places the two of you USED to go and sometimes sit in the parking lot and remember that special day. Sometimes you find yourself someplace you don’t even remember driving too.
At home when you prepare that favourite meal of the child who is gone, it won't taste the same to you. The pictures, cards they made for you or sent you, toys and other possessions of your baby will be both harmful and helpful. They are a link to the past, a way to remember more about what you've lost and at the same time they are a link to the past and a way to remember more about what you've lost and what you will never have again.
Funny, huh? That family portrait you were always so proud of? Well, it will take on a whole new meaning now. A part of you does not exist anymore and it is scary as hell.. that is why they say the loss of a child is like no other loss.. you cannot compare it to another loss, with other losses you grieve and you are of course sad, but when your child dies, a part of you ceases to exist, gone just like that, gone no warning, just gone.
When a husband dies you are a widow, when a wife dies you’re a widower, when your parents die you are an orphan but when your child dies there are no words because it is too awful to imagine. And the life that you knew, the things you always felt, the things in your life that made sense, that you held on to, that makes up who you are - are Gone!!!That is why when parents who have lost children hear "I want the old you back", "it's been a year (a month, 6 months-whatever), don't you feel better yet?" "You are doing this to yourself, you're making it harder on yourself", "grief can become a selfish thing you know", we can only shake our heads and feel sadness and hopelessness, because there is no way our lives will ever be like it was when our child was alive. No wonder bereaved parents isolate themselves, we are just trying to hold on.
Now open your eyes were you able to imagine what it must feel like? even for this amount of time it is too long to imagine the unimaginable, to feel the pain, I would not wish this on anyone, but did you get a sense of how life-changing it is? Imagine you feel this 24/7, not even getting a moments relief from it! Now go on and put on your favourite CD to listen to, enjoy the music..go home and hug your child or loved one, enjoy this moment because you can still listen to them laugh, watch them smile, smell the scent that you know is them but please do not tell me how I should feel or that I am holding onto this, or that my friends/family must be tired of watching me go through this, because if you haven't lost a beloved child of yours, you can’t understand and I would not want you too.
But when you hear these words "the presence of his absence is everywhere", will you finally understand?
Now open your eyes were you able to imagine what it must feel like? even for this amount of time it is too long to imagine the unimaginable, to feel the pain, I would not wish this on anyone, but did you get a sense of how life-changing it is? Imagine you feel this 24/7, not even getting a moments relief from it! Now go on and put on your favourite CD to listen to, enjoy the music..go home and hug your child or loved one, enjoy this moment because you can still listen to them laugh, watch them smile, smell the scent that you know is them but please do not tell me how I should feel or that I am holding onto this, or that my friends/family must be tired of watching me go through this, because if you haven't lost a beloved child of yours, you can’t understand and I would not want you too.
But when you hear these words "the presence of his absence is everywhere", will you finally understand?
Believe it or not I could write dozens of other things for you to imagine. Fortunately for you, this is only an exercise. I live this every day.
Thanks for doing this with me I hope you never have to walk in my shoes and I hope that now maybe you will be able to better help a friend or loved one in their loss.
Thanks for doing this with me I hope you never have to walk in my shoes and I hope that now maybe you will be able to better help a friend or loved one in their loss.
| Marian Mims | Thinking of You | February 23, 2011 |
| Barbara Pisano | Hope you can make it | February 19, 2011 |
| Barbara Cave | Always and Forever | February 15, 2011 |
| LostMom to Patrick Barbosa | HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY FROM ANGEL PATRICK | February 15, 2011 |
| Lisa Holly's Mom | Thinking of you and family | February 14, 2011 |
| Happy Valentines Day | Love, Adam | February 14, 2011 |
| Brittany Syfert's Grma Rose | Happy Valentine's Day | February 14, 2011 |
| Mama - anđela M.Blekic | Sretno Valentinovo !!!! | February 14, 2011 |
| JOSHUA~JAMIES MOM | HAPPY VALENTINES DAY RYAN | February 13, 2011 |
| Cynthia Regan | Ryan<3 | February 13, 2011 |
| ~Rocky~ | Wishing you a Happy Valentines Day from Heaven | February 13, 2011 |
| ~Barbara~ ^i^Caroline's~Nana~ | Precious RYAN...... | February 13, 2011 |
| Margaret Buonpane | Happy Valentine's Day! | February 10, 2011 |
| BECKY~MOM TO JARRETT LITTLE | THINKING OF YOU | February 10, 2011 |
FOREVER LOVED AND MISSED
| mom to Angel Darko Durbic | Our Angels | February 10, 2011 |
T E A R
| Aunt Jo to Leah Avril | Sending Love to Heaven! | February 9, 2011 |
~Thinking of my Hero Angel~
Ryan Dahn
~Always in our Heart~
| Mary~Nicholas Hands Mom~ | THINKING OF YOU | February 9, 2011 |
| Barb/Nicky's MOM | Happy Valentine's Day | February 8, 2011 |
| mom~Shane Ramirez | Sending U 0x0x0x0x00x0x0xx | February 7, 2011 |
| Mom to Angel Melissa Platt | Thank You | February 7, 2011 |
| mom to Angel Darko Durbic | Thinking of You | February 7, 2011 |
If tulips grow in Heaven
If tulips grow in Heaven,
Lord please pick a bunch for me,
Place them in my son arms
and tell him they're from me.
Tell him that I love and miss him,
and when he turns to smile,
place a kiss upon his cheek and
hold him for awhile.
Because remembering him is easy,
I do it every day,
but there's an ache within my heart
that will never go away.
(forever my baby)
| mom~Shane Ramirez | oxox from my heart | February 2, 2011 |
| Judy~Mom~Curtis Dawson | "From my Angel to yours, Happy Valentine's Day" | February 2, 2011 |
| Brittany Syfert's Grma Rose | Precious Ryan | January 31, 2011 |
A butterfly captures our hearts
from the moment they appear.
They are vibrant and graceful
as their presence lifts our spirits.
Gone much too soon,
they will never be forgotten.
| mom~Shane Ramirez | Forever Watching over you oxoxoxox | January 25, 2011 |
| Judy~Mom~ Angel Curtis Dawson | Sending u love today precious angel | January 24, 2011 |
| cindi dana regans mom | Hugs Ryan!! | January 22, 2011 |
| mom to Angel Darko Durbic | Our Angels | January 21, 2011 |
FACES ARE FOREVER
We wear two faces.
It doesn't matter how much time has past we wear two faces
How do we know when to change our face?
We have no idea. It happens without our even thinking about it.
Who knows when we change our face? Three of us do!
God, my child and I know! What are these two faces?
The first face is the one, with our pretend smile and laugh.
It is the one that looks straight into the eyes of the stranger, friends or family and tells them, I am fine or I am doing great, "see how far I have come."
It is the one that asks the question, without speaking the words, do you have any idea of my pain? You know they will never understand, but you want them to so much. Do we frighten everyone away with our look of desperation and sadness? I am sure that we have.
When people see us, could it be that we feel even more separated from life when we notice them looking away? Do we scare them by our mere presence?
What is it that one can say to a bereaved parent?
The answer is NOTHING, absolutely nothing. Why do people always try to fix us?
All we need is someone to listen, without judging or trying to make us feel better. A smile would be nice. Nothing will change our hurt but time and then,
just the intensity of it.
The second face we wear lies deep within us, in our heart and soul.
It is the one that we won't allow anyone to be near. It is Holy and Sacred ground. It is the place that we go to in our darkest moments.
It is the one that no one really ever sees except God and our child. It is the face that appears in the middle of the night when we are alone. It is the face that expresses the unbelievable emptiness and gut wrenching pain of our loss.
It is the one that breaks us down and reduces us to tears, when we think we just saw a glimpse or heard the familiar voice of our child. It could be in the marketplace, or while shopping, or at a restaurant, anywhere. It is the one that brings us to our knees and makes us ask over and over WHY GOD, WHY? Even Jesus asked His Father, "Why God" as He hung on the cross. We are in good company.
We must each walk this path in our own way and in our own time. No one has the right to tell us when to start or when to finish. Or to say to us, "get over it" My child was never an "IT." Only we will know when to begin and when we have completed our journey.
We can't ask someone to walk it for us, or we will never begin to heal from our deep painful wounds. I've been told that one day, beautiful and happy memories will replace the sad, ugly and lonely ones. Whether that is true, I don't know, but I am willing to find out. What I do know is, that I must walk the path to healing so my child will not see me die in the darkness and loneliness of my own despair.
God Bless You My Sweet Darko
Always and Forever
I Love You.......Mammy
| mom~Shane Ramirez | Sweet Dreams Handsome Ryan oxoxoxoxoox | January 17, 2011 |
| Colleen ~ Patrick Carroll | Thanks for Remembering! | January 12, 2011 |
Kathy, thanks for remembering Patrick's Angelversary & for all you do to comfort & support us throughout the year. It's sad that such tragedy has brought us together yet, comforting to know that others understand. I like to think that Ryan & Patrick are supporting each other as well, as they continue their Heavenly journey...until we're all together again. God Bless!
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